Capacity for Sexual Feeling
Satisfying sexuality is based on the ability to develop a full charge and then release it fully. Ideally the charge is held in the entire body, perhaps somewhat more in the belly, pelvis and genitals. If one has a great deal of tightness, especially in the pelvis, it is not possible to hold much charge. Two situations result from a lowered capacity for sexual feeling: 1) Sexual activity may occur, but it will not be explosive or satisfying. Often sex is undertaken to obtain nurturance or avoid abandonment. Eventually sexual feeling wanes considerably by 'down-regulation.' The person believes sex is not important. 2) sexual feeling is kept low by discharging it frequently through numerous acts of sex, none of them particularly satisfying. Sex is seen as important but this is really an ego evaluation--conquest not surrender has become the goal. Interest in having sex does not reflect the amount of sexual feeling because, with low capacity for sexual feeling, a small amount of feeling can be painful and crave release. Also ego considerations play a strong role in sexual interest.
A sufficient capacity to hold sexual feeling leads to an interest in sex but not a great hurry. Tantric practices, very much misunderstood, are practice in building and holding sexual feeling, and preventing lesser discharges so that superimposition can occur. The capacity for sexual feeling is so important because there seems to be a threshold of sexual intensity for the communion and ecstatic aspects of sex.
Premature ejaculation in the male comes about because as sexual feeling starts to mount, it can't be held. Ejaculation requires very little sexual feeling to occur. A low capacity for sexual feeling makes climax happen sooner in the male but delays it the female. Hence the much lamented but perhaps not intrinsic 'incompatibility' of sexuality between men and women.
One's view of sex seems to be influenced by the capacity for feeling. Where capacity is less, notions of sex revolve around activities that precipitate the craved discharge, such as friction, stroking, and being 'serviced.' Where capacity is greater, notions of sex revolve around activities that build tension, such as surroundings, flirting, seduction, gentle caressing, kissing, eye contact, and shared sensual experience.